Saturday, December 05, 2015


I think I always bought into the notion that there has to be something wrong with a relationship for someone to cheat: not getting enough [whatever], not being in love with the other person anymore, using it as a way of escaping a poor relationship (the Exit Affair).

But I have no doubts in retrospect that M loved me as much as he's capable of and was content in our relationship - he certainly didn't want to leave; I believe that.

So many times I asked him to set me free if he didn't love me and didn't want it to work, but I was asking the wrong questions. It worked to keep me in the dark enough and off-balance and hide enough that I didn't take the steps to end it before. He did love me. Just not more than himself and was prepared to take away my choices and trample my self-esteem to keep me. I don't think it was purposeful, just inadvertent as side-effects of poor impulse control, maybe.